Mr. Manners

Dear Mr. Manners,

HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!

I am writing this under the covers of our bed--it is after midnight--and I am petrified! I don’t know who else to turn to, so as a desperate mother I am pleading for your help!!!!

You see, I have been reading a lot about ‘sleeper’ domestic terrorist cells and also about ‘dirty bombs’ and I have just now connected all the dots!

I THINK THERE MAY BE A SLEEPER DOMESTIC TERRORIST CELL MAKING DIRTY BOMBS IN MY OWN HOUSE!

And there’s proof!!

This morning I found a room of one of the other persons in my house like this!!



And another room was like this....



and this!!



And the worst was like THIS!!!



Based on my limited reading, I also know that ‘dirty bombs’ usually spread radioactive particles, so even if I am not killed today, I fear for my long-term health as well!

Fervently,

Terrorized in Tipp
PS: Do you have a Geiger counter I could borrow?


____________________________


Dear Tippsy,

First. let me gently--but firmly--assuage your fears. Based on the photos you so kindly provided, I can declare conclusively that the denizens of these bedrooms are not terrorists.

Terrifying, perhaps? Yes. Terrorists? Nope.

Second, this is not the result of a ‘dirty bomb’ filled with radioactive materials that can cause death and destruction, but rather the handiwork of a ‘pigsty grenade’ However, gentle irrational reader, do not run for cover, as this grenade is merely in the mind and not of the shrapnel-producing variety. (Let me hasten to add, that it is ‘in the mind’ in only a metaphoric sense, so please refrain from calling the neighborhood brain surgeon for some extraction surgery.)

Third, such detonation damage is fully preventable. Just like brushing teeth, a daily habit of picking up rooms and making beds can ameliorate such conditions.

One good preventative might be to sack up the mess and make it unavailable to the occupants for a week.

Another might be to post photos on the Internet for all their friends to see. (No need to thank me!)

So please, enjoy some care-free sleep!

Sincerely,

Mr. Manners