Perceptive Little Cuss

A few days ago Ally wasn't feeling so hot, so as she laid on our bed I laid down next to her and began tickling her back.

Within 5 seconds she commented, 'You cut your fingernails!'

Yes, I had cut them that morning. I marveled at her perceptiveness--and her memory of how my fingernails had felt the previous night at bedtime!

She snuggled even closer, and then out of the blue snuggled even closer and said, 'Let me smell your armpit!'

I marveled at her total lack of common sense and her plumb foolishness.

She survived.

She even mentioned that it smelled like one of her friends.

Another thing to put on my to-do list: Avoid meeting her friends.

She's right again.....of course!

I love free water for the lawn and garden as much as the next skinflint, but as another big rainstorm approaches (which will likely put us over 9" of rain for the month), I have to agree with Cindy's statement yesterday.

"When you're driving down the highway and see ducks swimming in farmers' fields, I think I can say that I have had enough rain for awhile."

A blast from the past--

Many years ago there was an 'Erma Bombeck' writing contest. Yes, I lost. As did many others, I'm sure. Anyway, I just came across it, so I'm posting it here without comment....
Except to comment that this was written for a general audience....
...And it was written many years ago....
...And any similarity between anyone living or dead is purely coincidental, otherwise I would likely already be dead....
...And yes, I used too many big words....
...And yes, my favorite phrase relates to chess, though it doesn't apply in my case. Maybe I should copyright it?...

But I digress....

Today’s modern men have learned with near-precocious alacrity the utility of the phrase ‘Yes, Dear’ to majestically display our seemingly tender acquiescence to those terribly pressing issues plaguing our dearests that, frankly, don’t mean diddly to us. Magnanimously we agree with her on her selection of the dinner vegetable, the shoes that best match her latest outfit, and the fragrance of the shampoo.
But there are certain times when we men use ‘Yes, Dear’ to convey a nuance teeming with angst.
For example, recently my dearest wife was on the phone giving advice to a newly-engaged friend about wedding ring selection. I overheard her remark, “I see he hasn’t learned how to say ‘Yes, Dear’ yet. But he will!” I chimed in, “Yes, he will. But in a ring-purchasing scenario, though he may say ‘Yes, Dear,’ he is really thinking ‘HOLY CRAP!’”
Yes, this subtle nuance often goes unnoticed when we men reply to certain queries from our dearests. Specifically, it is those queries that will involve a man’s time, effort, and/or money. It is never vocalized (except by those lacking any sort of judgment, tact, or self- preservation instinct), but it can be detected by just the slightest hesitation that precedes the obligatory ‘Yes, dear.’
Such nuance-rich responses would follow seemingly innocuous suggestions such as ‘Let’s repaint a room!’ ‘Let’s drop by the fabric store!” or “Let’s rearrange the furniture!”
Yet, speaking of hidden nuances, a man is still a mere novice when compared to his dearest, who has never met a nuance she didn’t like. This is because she has learned that nuances-both those she gives and those she receives (and promptly ignores)--are win-win for her. Mated man is thus in continual checkmate.
So let’s consider the above three suggestions as a quick primer in this female deceit…I mean, nuance. When painting, the word ‘Let’s’ would usually be considered fully inclusive in nature, but in this particular instance would mean ‘I’ll pick out the paint color and you paint.’ Likewise, ‘dropping by’ the fabric store will swallow an entire Saturday afternoon. (And as we all know, for most man each minute in a fabric store feels like a year. In prison. At hard labor.) As for rearranging furniture, the man may be excused for mistakenly thinking that his dearest already has a final plan in her mind, but after moving the upright grand to the 3rd and then 4th location, he will realize that the final arrangement will only be attained at the exact moment he physically collapses--the final arrangement for that day, anyway.
“…What was that, sweetie? Get off the computer and help you spade up and plant the garden?
“…Yes, dear.”