SLAM! Slam!Slam!Slam!Slam!Slam!

So, tonight I drove Erin to a friend's house to deliver a blank copy of a homework assignment, and when we got home and walked in the door, I made the offhand comment to no one in particular, 'There's my good deed of the day!'

I then soliloquied further, 'As a matter of fact, that's about the 10th good deed of the day.'

Cindy, with respect radiating from her tiger eyes, adoringly asked, 'Yuh-huh. And the other ones were???'

I began enumerating the many acts of kindness I had done at work, at home that afternoon, and crescendo-ing my way through to the evening, easily making it to ten.

'See,' I modestly trumpeted , 'I did do a lot of good deeds today!'

'Ahhhh,' Cindy evenly replied, 'So you're saying you've been acting like a mother today.'

A blessing in disguise

Allyson was sitting next to Louis watching a Barbie movie (what else would she be watching?). When I came into the room Louis moved a pillow that was next to Allyson so I could sit down. Almost immediately upon sitting next to her with Louis on the other side she looks up at me and says rather forcefully, "Moov, Moov." In other words " MOVE IT RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO THIS DADDY-DAUGHTER PARTY! YOU ARE NOT WANTED! GO AWAY!"

I said to Louis, "Where does this come from and why is it directed at mom? After all, I am the one who nursed this child for over 12 months, have wiped her rear end more times than I can count, spent endless hours rocking and holding her, take care of her day in and day out, bathe her, launder her clothes, prepare food for her, entertain her, etc., etc. So why at mom?"

Refusing to give into her selfish desires I stayed put. I'll show her I thought--it's wet willy time (without the wet...only the willy). Surprised to find a finger tickling her ear she jerked away with a loud "OUCH!"

I said to her (and indirectly to Louis), 'Ouch? Ouch? If you want to know what an ouch is, I've got a 6-inch scar across my mid-section from giving birth to you and you won't even let me sit by you.'
The thanks I get.....

Oh well. On the bright side....Daddy is now the favorite. Let Daddy hold her, take care of her, change her diaper, put her to bed, feed her, etc., etc.

Some things can be a blessing in disguise.

History Lessons

With Grandma in town, we made a family trek last Saturday to Greenville, Ohio to see the Annie Oakley historical sites.

Annie was the shooten-est tooten-est gal that ever shot a handgun or rifle. Born and raised in Greenville, she became famous throughout the US in the late 1800s and early 1900s for her extraordinary shooting ability (while still young she made money by shooting birds for local markets, and the birds she killed were in high demand because she would invariably kill them with head-shots and thus not damage the meat). She spent many years touring with the Wild West Show as one of its main attractions, including touring with the show in Europe, where she met Queen Victoria and other royalty.

Part of the reason we chose this trip is because Erin just completed a book report of one of her biographies. (She had to draw a picture for the cover of her report, and since nowadays are nowadays, she couldn't draw even a picture of a gun (that would get her suspended or kicked out of school), so she just drew her face--or a reasonable facsimile thereof....)

Annie is there to greet you as you drive through Greenville:




She is standing there beside you at the Annie Oakley exhibit at the Garst Museum:



And her final resting place is about 8 miles north of town (the map and written directions from the museum don't help much!):



On the way home we drove through a town (a wide spot in the road) called Ludlow Falls and we were even able to find the Niagara-esque falls!



Thus endeth the history lesson.

Icicle Imp

'Nuf said!

Sledding in the backyard....

This morning the kids went out back to sled on our hill, and Allyson wanted to go out too so we bundled her up and then I took her for her first ride down the hill.

As you can see, she really enjoyed it--especially the snow that flew up in her face!



Now we can say that all of the kids have sledded on it!



It was worth the tears! (I thought so anyway!)

Oohhh....I feel giddy!!!!!

It's so electrifying I can't stand it!

Hillary Clinton will be less than 1 mile away from our home today on a campaign stop at the local high school!

As a precaution, I am putting X's of tape on the windows just in case her shrillness breaks the glass (this is an old WWII trick to keep windows from shattering completely).

Fortunately, this patron-saint-of-governmental-control-of-as-much-of-your-life-as-possible has become somewhat muted in recent weeks....

And Obama, who says less in 45 minutes than even Dubya, will be in the area on Monday!

Catch me before I swoon! [Insert heavy sarcasm here.]

Then again, McCain was in the area on Wednesday, and I can't say that he really thrilled me either.....

The prognosis is not good....

Speaking of snow, the local weathermen have done a stellar job this year of prognostication.

In the past month we have had two 'WINTER STORM WARNINGS' and both have turned to rain before they hit our latitudes. I had to drive to Columbus to pick up the Mother at the airport on one of these WARNING days, and instead of the forecasted snow and ice, there was just a steady rain.

Then on Tuesday night the weathermen said, "Oh, maybe a dusting up to an inch or two overnight" and, naturally, the next morning we woke up to four inches and more coming down (we ended up with six).

And don't get Cindy started about the school superintendant that only tends to cancel school for one of two reasons:
1--The above-mentioned weathermen merely FORECAST a winter storm.
2--There is more than 1/16th of an inch of snow on a given morning and/or the weathermen are forecasting that it could possibly turn to worse weather during the day. (I.e., as happened yesterday.)

Anyway, the kids only spent 2 days at school this week.

If you want to get into a LONG conversation, just ask Cindy how her week was!

We hardly pneu you....

Cameron has been suffering (and making us suffer) with a bad cough at nights, etc., and yesterday Cindy finally took him to the doc.

The diagnosis? A mild case of pneumonia.

A first for our family.

He came home with a nifty 'breathing therapy' device and some sweet antibiotics.



Any resemblance between Cameron and Hannibal Lector is merely coincidental, whether talking about the above picture or their respective egos.

Needless to say, he was out playing in the snow in the afternoon! (Hey, it's a mild case! And besides: Out of sight, out of trouble!)

Click.....Click.....ClickClickClicketyClick!

Erin has reached the point where she has to order her shoe sizes off the Internet, and she is in proud possession of a new pair of Sunday shoes.

These shoes are of a type she has never worn before.

They are a stylish black, and--best of all--they have hard soles.

Since she first tried them on last night she has for some reason found excuses for always walking around on the tile floor.

And strangely, that 'Click-Click' even makes the sound of her walk sound like a grown-up!

The big question is, how many excuses will she find to stroll around on the hardwood gym floor at church tomorrow?

"Touch me not...

"...for ye shall wither even as a dried reed"! or so the story goes, and I'm sticking with it for awhile.

This morning I noticed that Erin had left her cd player on when she left her room. ("That's odd." I thought to myself, "She always turns things off when she leaves the room. NOT!") As usual, I entered her room to turn it off. When I touched it there was a shock of static electricity and now her cd player won't turn on.

That'll show her huh?

Actually she was less than disappointed. "Now you get to buy me a new one and I get to choose which one it is. Ha Ha Ha!!" she said with a wicked laugh and sinister grin!

This would explain Valentines day?

Size does matter!

Today I was in the car with Cameron. Very offhandedly he mentioned that he was 1 oz. bigger than both Erin and Makenna when he was born. (The girls were 7lb 9oz and Cameron was 7lb 10oz.).
I said, "Yes you were but you were also 1/2" shorter than them."
His reply, "That is because my brain was bigger."
After a moment of thinking he then added, "I should have weighed 3,000 lbs."

For only the 3rd time in our married life....

...I was finally able to convince Cindy to make a 'Brownstone Front Cake' for our family guests tonight.

This is a homemade chocolate cake that is only slightly less dense than lead, and the icing is about 10 times denser than that! (Did I mention that the frosting consisted of 1/2 lb of butter and 2 cups of sugar--and that's if you halve the recipe?)

Mmmm....

Intellectual Curiosity

As everyone was called in to the dinner table tonight (we had extended family over), Erin continued to lounge on the couch.

She looked like she was deep in thought, as if cognitively chewing on some of the adult conversation she had been listening to.

I asked, 'Erin! What's up? You look like you're deep in thought!'

She grinned and replied, 'Deep in thought!? On a weekend? Ha!'

She then s-a-u-n-t-e-r-e-d into the dining room for dinner.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Things are progressing nicely in the new house, and I took some pictures today of what is often referred to as the ‘Man-Cave’ (i.e., the basement).



It is a dank, dark space filled with a dazzling array of possibilities and Cindy is even now figuring out just what those possibilities are. As such, I have decided to provisionally name it ‘The Cave of Fear.’ I’m sure Cindy will come up with a much better name in the future, such as ‘The Cave That Louis Built,’ or ‘The Cave of Loud Kids That Can’t be Heard Upstairs,’ or maybe even ‘The Cave That Never Seems to Get Finished—So Quit Lollygagging Around and Get That Drywall Up Pronto!’

I also took a picture of what, logically, must be ‘The Woman-Cave.’



It is a bright, cheery space filled with a dazzling array of my past and future paychecks, and I am even now figuring out just how much it will finally cost. As such, I have decided to provisionally name it ‘The Cave of Fear II.’ I’m sure Cindy will come up with a much better name in the future, such as ‘The Cave That Merillat Cabinets Built,’ or ‘The Cave That Had Better Never, EVER See Kids Holding Sharp Objects Playing In It,’ or maybe even ‘The Cave That Actually Holds All the Stuff We Like to Keep in the Kitchen.’


All I can say is, it’s a good thing I also know how to cook, so I can spend at least some time there.

Ally's newfound joys....

Much like a Great White, Allyson has recently found joy in a new food to her--white and fleshy PB and honey sandwiches. She chomps into the soft white underbelly of each sandwich half, backs out, then thrusts her sharp teeth in for another go. The sides of her mouth soon turn a frothy red--I mean brown--as she tears deeper and deeper into the sandwich.
When only crust is left, she burps and tosses it away, shouting out 'Moa! Moa!' (Toddler language translation: "Mother, could I please have another delicious sandwich at your earliest convenience or right now. Whichever comes first.")

Then on Friday or so Cindy bought her a set of 7 little Disney princess dolls (plastic 4~5-inch figures). Allyson was entranced then, and the entrancement continues still. She is definitely a girly-girl!




PS: There is little doubt that she has now watched her various Barbie movies a total at least 300 times--it is to the point where I find myself at work subconsciously humming the various songs in the various movies!

Lost in Translation....

Erin (with a LOT of help from especially Mom) completed her science project last week and made her presentation to the class on Tuesday.

(Her project was to have both short and tall kids and adults blow up balloons in accordance with certain rules in order to see if taller people had more lung capacity than shorter people.)

She came home from school on Tuesday rather perturbed. She said that the science teacher had listened to her project report and then had said it was a stupid question and that of course taller people had more lung capacity than shorter people because they had bigger chest cavities.

Hearing this, Cindy shot off a less-than-happy (jugular-searching?) email to the science teacher, asking if this were true.

The science teacher quickly responded....and then we found out what we like to call....

THE REST OF THE STORY (with apologies to Paul Harvey)

You see, after Erin had completed her report, the teacher had asked her some questions (as he asks of all the kids after they finish their reports in order to make them think more and to prepare them for what the judges might ask them). He started with,

"Erin, this may be a stupid question to ask, but wouldn't taller people have higher lung capacity than smaller people because they have bigger chest cavities?"

As you can see, the nuance(?) is slightly(!) different in this context.

After reading this, Cindy probed Erin's memory and came to find out that Erin hadn't really understood what the teacher was trying to ask her, so she didn't interpret it in the spirit it was meant.

I guess this is how parents get in trouble with teachers!

Cindy quickly sent back an apologetic email.

UPDATE: And we also found out that Erin will probably be going to the next level of competition.

Black Beauty

Alas, when I came downstairs this morning, Beauty was in the same position as last night (see the post below from last night), but this time she was truly bereft of life.

And, strictly speaking, our beloved goldfish Beauty is not black....at least not yet.
Perhaps a more accurate description would be 'Blackening Beauty.'

As in life, even in death she kept a stiff upper lip, now harmoniously mated with a stiff lower one.



Soon after Makenna came downstairs and espied not-so-buoyant-yet-not-yet-floating Eternal Sleeping Beauty, tears formed in her eyes. Alas, this was not due to Beauty's demise, rather it was because Cameron was threatening to flush it before she could. He then tried to convince her that she actually HAD flushed one of the unfortunate three predecessors to Beauty.

Before Erin and I left for her BB game, we, naturally, fished Beauty out and gently laid her on a cellulose bier....



...then Makenna gently carried to her final resting bowl....



....and then sent her to her watery grave. (As the kids are not too good about flushing, 'watery' is probably just about right....)

Life is fleeting, but it is a wonderful world.....



We also find solace in the fact that the local sewer raccoon will be eatin' good tonight!

Ya gotta watch'em close!

Cindy and I drove out to look at the house after I got off work today, and it was a good thing we did!

They had all the cabinets unpacked in all their beauty....



(for the cost, you would have thought they were diamond-encrusted and ruby-studded!), but their pre-installation arrangement wasn't quite right.

As there was a blueprint handy, I took a gander and quickly ascertained that it wasn't correct--it just showed the standard layout, not the one we had finally decided upon.

We made a quick trip home to get the final drawing and made sure it was put in the house for the carpenter who starts installing them tomorrow.

But still, overall we've been very pleased with the job that's been done, and with our eagle-eyes we have caught both mistakes before they resulted in rework!

Minding your p's and q's

We are so very pleased to announce that we now have a child for whom the 'Time Out' child discipline strategy works--she sits there with an air of remorse until we come and get her (about a minute), and after such time-outs she is a much better behaved child.



Pity it didn't take on the boy!

On her last flippers....

Cindy called me at work today to report the sad news.

Beauty, the goldfish that has shared our home for the past 15 months, appears that she is about to shuffle off this mortal coil.

All day she has been like this....



Cindy was kinda sad (she formed an attachment to the poor creature over the course of time as she changed the water and saw the look of love in Beauty's eyes.

Coldhearted me, I'm not too concerned. I have a quiet assurance that Beauty fulfilled the measure of her creation. Besides, we can always get another one for a quarter!

After school Cindy told Makenna. Makenna began jumping up and down in expectant excitement, clenching her hand and pumping it up and down, shrieking, 'YES!! YES!! I finally get to flush one down the toilet! Life is GOOD!' (OK, maybe I added that last bit....)

In anticipation of the flushing...errr, I mean 'funeral'....I found Monty Python's 'Dead Parrot Sketch' on YouTube, which contains perhaps the most touching eulogy to a 'bleedin' demised' pet e'er soliloquied in the English tongue. (It starts at about 2 min. 20 secs into the video.)
And coincidentally, the very beginning of the sketch even has a cameo of one of Beauty's (presumably) English kinfolk!

God Bless the leaf removers!

Here in Huber Heights we have a leaf removal/collection by the city. This is to keep leaves from clogging up the drains etc. What usually happens is each fall if you want your leaves collected you need merely rake them to the gutter or parking strip. When it is your neighborhoods turn for the collection a hugemongous (pronounced "hue-gee-mon-gus") truck with a long hose (think of snuffle-upagus' trunk) attached will drive up and down the streets sucking up the leaves. This is followed by two dumptrucks. One of them to put the leaves in and another to put them in when the first one is full. They will usually make 3 passes through each neighborhood to get all the leaves. This year the leaf collection was slowed a bit, only 2 passes, because of some early snow storms. In last weeks paper it was announced that the final collection would still take place.
Today as I was taking the kids to school I was met or rather blocked from going up the street because of the leaf collection. Mind you the leaves are wet and have been sitting for several months now but does it really require 3 tractors, 1 dump truck and a utility truck?

Tender moments

As Cameron bounced around the room, as he is wont to do, he hit the couch armrest with great force with his posterior. Having a bony butt (it hurts when he sits on your leg!), there was not enough padding to prevent pain, and he began squirming about to alleviate the butt sprain.

After about 10 seconds, he slowed down his thrashing about and moaned, 'My butt hurrrrrrrts!'

Continuing, with a slightly different, even intriguing different tone, he plaintively asked me (I was sitting nearby),

'My butt hurrrrrts!' [Sniffle] 'Will you kiss it?'

Skipping around the room, he kindly asked everyone else the same question.

Funny, he didn't act like he was hurt!

Master of Disguises

Allyson was applying her spycraft today, appearing both like this....



Is she Phyllis Diller, Puck (the mischievous fairy in Shakespeare's MSD), The Joker, or just having a bad hair day?

and like this.....



Stevie Wonder? Ray Charles? Ralphie after having his mouth washed out with Lifebuoy soap?

Hill Cumorah in Ohio?

There is an oblong artificial hill behind our new home about 25 feet high, and on Thursday the ground was dry and firm, and the kids decided to climb to the top while Cindy, Ally, and I were enjoying the warmth inside.

After they came back down, they said that they had named it the 'Hill Cumorah.' We can only hope they find some gold in it--though gold that COULD be used for self-enrichment!



I can envision a lot of new footpaths on that hill by summertime....

....but I don't think I'll see many angels there.....