I'm hurt!!

I decided to take the last couple dozen ripe tomatoes from the garden to make a batch of salsa. As I was chopping up the onions Cindy came into the room and made a sound I interpreted to mean 'stinky!'

"I'm sorry about the smell, dear,' I said in a quite considerate tone.

"Ohhh," she replied, "That's OK. It's not as if I haven't heard you say that a million times anyway!"

Talk about sick bathroom humor!

Camouflage

In an obvious effort to curry (mmmm.....curry) favor with the hunters in his extended family, Cameron went to school today looking like this:

1. BY THE TREE


2. IN FRONT OF THE TREE


Before departing (not that anyone would be able to glimpse him as he departs...), he gleefully told Cindy, "When I play basketball during recess none of the other kids will be able to see me--they'll just see a basketball bouncing up and down by itself!"

(Yes, he knows better, but Cindy likes to pretend she can't see him and he isn't above taking such opportunities to ham it up.)

Now we know why.....

Cindy's back has been giving her more trouble ever since the yard sale last month, and now she knows why.

Cameron in his scheming ways has been stepping on all the sidewalk cracks he can.

As Cindy was putting him to bed tonight he quoth the proverb, 'Step on a crack, break you mother's back.' When Cindy asked if he was doing it to make her back hurt, he merely gave her a look of sublime superiority.

It kinda reminds me of the thoughts I had after we read him the 'Jump on Pop' book.

Shark alert!

Allyson just got her first taste of 'real' food (loosely speaking, of course, as it was rice cereal).

She was obviously ready for it, because she didn't even need a bib! After the first couple bites she began anticipating every bite, and, much as a great white will lunge to bite its prey, Allyson was lunging to gum the spoon.

Speaking of the spoon, Cindy had thrown all the baby ones away a number of years ago, so she had to pilfer one from Makenna's kitchen toys.

Worked like a charm!

I sure hope the headhunters don't show up!

When I got home from church I found my parking space occupied by this:




Introducing the Erin, Cameron, and Makenna drum trio (Cameron is "playing" a small egg maracca).

Later on they made a 'guitar' using a board, nails, and rubber-bands.

Wake up and smell the waffles!

When Erin meandered downstairs this fine Sunday morning, she was rather 'out of it' and looking very tired, even with a plate of waffles in front of her.
I tried to liven her up by doing my patented 'fake slap.' I.e., where I gently place one hand on her cheek and then swing my other hand around fast as if I were going to slap her, and instead miss her face by a millimeter and loudly smack the lower palm of the hand at her cheek.
It did work somewhat, but then Makenna walked in and asked if she could try too. She placed one hand on Erin's cheek, and then brought her hand around and gave her medium-intensity slap on her cheek! Cindy, Erin and I began laughing at her 'goof,' and Makenna proudly said, "I TRIED to do that!" and erupted into giggles!

Erin should have a friend over more often!

So said Cindy.

She continued,
"Did you notice that she went up and cleaned her room so that they could go up there to play?"

Fairies

We will be having at least one fairy at our house tonight (besides the now-obligatory contingent on TV in 'The Amazing Race' series).

You see, Cameron let me pull out his first loose tooth.

Of course, this was a long process that lasted well over 45 minutes.

• He had to get first and second opinions from Erin about how much it would hurt when I pulled it out.
• He also had to weigh the chance that it would come out during the night and he would swallow it or choke on it. (His imagination was obviously quite vivid, and this is what finally led him to letting me do it.)
• He had Cindy get him a wetted washcloth to soak up any blood (he asked her to get this 30 minutes before the actual operation--he'll make a good Cub Scout!!)

By the time he mustered up the courage to let me give it a quick yank with my fingers, he had played with his tooth to the point where it was lying horizontally in the space.

He grimaced, I pulled, and it came right out, with little or no blood or pain.

Maybe the tooth fairy should pay ME for all the hassle!

Hostage of Fortune

This afternoon I let the kids talk me into going out to jump with them on the trampoline.

Now, for safety reasons there is only one entrance/exit through the safety netting, so while we were jumping one of those sneaky kids surreptitiously clipped this securely shut. (This means that it takes about 30 seconds to undo the clips before you can get out.)

When I was ready to get out, Erin and Cameron flung themselves against the opening, barring me from even reaching the clips. Their chortling was intense.

I ended up staying on the trampoline another 20 minutes.

Kids 1, Daddo 0

Psych Ops

Cameron came home from school with a page he had done at school that included both artwork and writing.

The question on the sheet was, 'If you could do anything you wanted this weekend, what would you do?'

He had written:
1. I would play with my mom and dad.
2. I would go fishing with my dad. I would build my K-nex with my mom.

The finely drawn picture showed me and him at the pond pulling in lots of fish.

So, what did we do this weekend? Since we were blessed with no soccer games on Saturday, I took the 3 older kids swimming at the Y, and then we went fishing (as explained in the previous posting).

Then today after church, Cindy put aside some time to help him build a ferris wheel and a ring toss out of his K-nex.

Only time will tell if Cameron pulled a fast one on us.....if he comes home next week with a picture showing him going to Disneyworld and sitting in a tub of ice cream with a big spoon we will know for sure!

We came, we fished, we caught their butts!

Well, OK, I guess we actually caught most of them at the other end of their gastrointestinal tract, but it was too good to pass up.

I took the 3 older kids fishing tonight (from 6~8 PM) at the pond at work, and though the first hour was slow (and Erin and Makenna drifted off to play for awhile because of the dearth of luck), the second hour was pure fishing frenzy. (The bait was cheap hotdogs.)

Maybe it was because that was right after I changed the hooks from big bass hooks to little panfish hooks that the swarming schools of little bluegill could suck in more easily. Anyway, it got Erin and Makenna back into the fray.

We caught more than 20, with Cameron and I each catching 2 bass and Erin catching one. Cameron and Erin shared the crown for the biggest bass, and Erin definitely caught the biggest bluegill. Makenna also pulled in a couple bluegill, including a cute one that was no more than 4 inches long.

Cindy and Allyson came during the middle of the frenzy, and Cindy forced the kids to gently release the fish back into the water instead of lobbing them out 10 feet or so (a bad habit they picked up from me....)

Anyway, even Erin was excited up to the very end, which means that it really was a successful outing (her 'boredom meter' reaches infinity after about 2 minutes).

Finally....I think I could make millions if I could invent something to remove the smell of fish from hands! I hope the keyboard doesn't stink for a week!

It just doesn't sound right....

....but it sure sounds nice!

I have a late-day meeting at work, so I came home for a couple hours in the afternoon.

It was so QUIET at home.

Cindy was feeding Allyson and reading a book, and thus there was no TV on, no radio on, nothing but the sound of cicadas outside.

It felt rather weird at first, but it is something that would be easy to get used to!

A frank opinion....freely offered

After her soccer game, Erin and I went to the junior high to sign her up for the winter basketball league.

Touchingly, Erin had insisted that only the two of us go.

As we were walking towards the front door, I coughed up some phlegm (maybe I'm catching a cold??) and so I hawked it out on the grass.

Erin saw that and immediately exclaimed, 'EEEwwwwWWW!.......You aren't going to make a habit of doing that are you?'

I reassured her that I wasn't.

She replied, 'Good, you disgusting old man!'

That put me in a quandary. Should I take offense at 'disgusting' or at 'old man?'

Anyway, I again note that she has obviously not spent enough time around her Floyd uncles, to whom hawking big lugies is an art form.

Making a difference....

Erin had a soccer game tonight, and we must say that she played better than she ever had. No, she didn't score any goals, but she had some dogged determination, and one of her long throw-ins resulted in a goal 10 seconds later.

This is what we have been trying to get her to do....to find that place inside her that strives for excellence even when tired.

Of course the real miracle would be if she ever applied this same ethic to her math homework.

Baby steps, baby steps!

Gross Behavior

Cameron was in the bathroom downstairs 'seeing a man about a dog'* tonight and for some reason he had the door open. As I go by I see that he has his head down by his knees and is peering intently into the crapper.

'Dad!!' he exclaimed! 'Come and see! The poop is so long! It's reaching the bottom and it's still coming out!'

Was it wrong of me to just take his word on it? (Maybe Mr. Manners could weigh in on this?)

*This is what I call a #2, and I call a #1 'Seeing a man about a horse.' Cameron, logician that he is, claims that a horse poops a lot more than a dog. Ergo, 'Seeing a man about a horse' should be a #2. I imagine he's never seen a horse do a #1. I think he would be suitably impressed and perhaps acquiesce to my version of these euphemisms.

Jeeves at your service, ma'am

Ah gratitude. The grease that lubricates human relationships.

Or so I've heard, anyway.

Case in point. Today Cindy took the time to go upstairs and clean Erin's room and make her bed for her. (Sidenote: Usually Erin has to do it herself.)

So today after school Erin came downstairs and I heard the following conversation.

'So....did you notice anything different about your room?'

'Yeah, some butler cleaned my room.....except not as good as a butler [would].'

Cracking the Code

Cindy has successfully cracked Cameron's coded message. At certain times--and only at certain times--he will come up to her, say "I'm tiiirrred" and snuggle with her.

Last week Cindy told him, "When you say 'I'm tired,' I know that what you are really saying is, 'I love you.'"

So Cindy now tells him 'I'm tired!' whenever she wants to say the 'love' word to him.

Cameron, of course, is now clarifying his statements of fatigue.

"I'm tired!........That just means I'm tired, not that I love you."

Reason 137 for why I don't post about myself much!

Thursday and Friday I put in 25 hours at work. I didn't see the kids awake between bedtime on Wednesday and 5 PM on Friday, and didn't eat anything from 6:30 AM on Thursday to 6:00 AM on Friday. (I was too busy!)
Translating rush documents, interpreting in many meetings for the prez (including a 2.5 hour video conference with Japan on Thursday night), and some actual tech writing thrown in wherever it would fit!
It is nice to be such an appreciated asset, but it would be nicer to see some commensurate remuneration!

Ah, the joy of work!

Ebay Fever

Cindy has it bad, having caught it during the yard sale, when she saw lots of things that she felt she could probably get more money from if she put it on Ebay.
She signed up this past week, and she now has her first item up for auction. However, since she has no rating (good or bad), we will see if she gets any bites!

If she really gets going, we may never have to do a yard sale again!

And maybe we can retire!

Sports Philosophy a la Cameron

"What is so great about sports? You run hard, get tired and sweaty, and you still lose!"

Hopefully Ohio State won't feel the same way after playing Texas tomorrow!

Soft Crust (or Crusties....)

When I got home from work, Cameron was hungry, so I fixed him a PB and jelly sandwich.

Because he refuses to eat the crust we always end up cutting it off for him, but tonight I tried to cajole him into eating it by enthusiastically telling him, 'Oh, this crust is so soft! You can eat this soft crust, right?!'

'I don't care if it is as soft as a baby's bottom,' he rejoindered, 'Because a baby's butt is stinky!'

Cameron 3546, Parents 0.

I didn't have the heart to tell him he was committing a logical fallacy!

Soccer Strategerizing

As I was putting together the pizzas tonight, Makenna came over holding her birthday gift notepad and asked, "Do you want to see what I learned about soccer?"

She held up her pad, showing me a sketch of two opposing goals with some arrows pointing towards one of the goals.

She continued, 'Here is the center line, and if you are here and someone on the other team is there, you don't kick the ball there, you kick it down here!" The arrows showed the ball heading towards the goal.

She later showed Cindy the same thing, and her comment to me was, 'She's a regular Lavell!'

I'm not sure who this 'Lavell' gal is, but I guess she's good at coaching soccer?

Dear Mr. Manners

Dear Mr. Manners,

I am so vexed! Our 3rd child just entered Kindergarten and she is ruining our family's reputation before my very eyes!
I mean, I've done all I can to prevent her unacceptable behavior at school, but when I'm not with her it's like she deliberately ignores everything she's been taught about the proud traditions of our family! And to make matters worse, her teacher also had both of her older siblings when they were in Kindergarten and thus is fully aware that our daughter knows better! The shame!
I mean, she should know that she is never to make eye contact with her teacher, much less initiate a conversation! And her smiling cheerfulness at school! She never learned THAT nasty little habit from her sibs!
And worst of all, when she comes home from school she brazenly walks in the door and announces how GREAT school was, and makes me listen to everything she did!
Why can't she just do as she has been taught by osmosis, and just reply 'Nothing' when I ask her what she did at school!?!
The next thing you know she will probably be found prancing around in front of the class performing some one-girl variety show!
I feel like putting a bag over my head when I take her to school every day! What is a poor mother to do?
Sincerely,
Truelee "At least she doesn't pick her nose so much anymore!" Distraught

Dear TALSDPHNSMAD--May I call you MAD?
Frankly speaking, this kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. Quick and permanent measures are needed.
Fortunately for you there are two effective remedies that work well together--a kind of one-two punch, as it were.
Namely, some electrodes to the brain, and a good swift kick every now and then.
Of course, it may be best to hire a licensed medical practitioner to perform these measures, as asking your husband to do so might get him jailed for spousal abuse.

Sincerely,
Mr. Manners

Bragging Rights

Makenna has now done something that neither Cameron or Erin has accomplished in their respective 4 years of soccer.
In tonight's exciting game, Makenna dribbled the ball in from about 15 yards away and made a goal! It gave her a lot of adrenaline-charged energy for the rest of the game!

Reactions were mixed.

Mom and Dad were happy that our yearly investment in soccer fees has finally paid back a bit, thought it is like winning a $1.00 back on the nickel slots after having lost $50....
Cameron was off playing, but when he heard the news his first comment was, 'I never played in a league without a goalie.' (Makenna did have to navigate through 2 defenders thought).
After the game Cindy asked Makenna if she liked soccer now. "No, it's too boring... except when I make a goal!"

At the dinner table we gave her a 'round of applause,' and she repeatedly bowed and said 'Thank you.'

Atta girl!

Better Than Sex Cake, Part II

I had to run home at lunch today, and so I had a quickie, with seconds.

That would be OF CAKE, of course. Shame on you!

Oh rats, I just realized that I forgot to put on whipped cream!


That would be on my CAKE!

Better Than Sex Cake

To celebrate Labor Day, Cindy made a chocolate cake with the above name this morning. Needless to relate, we have gotten a lot of mileage out of this name in the interim.

Actually, Cindy and her sister got the most mileage out of it. Tonight as they were talking on the phone, they were wondering if the name was really that accurate or not. E.g., if given the choice between the two, which would be more tempting. Cindy said that maybe she should ask me, and from the other room I called out, "Well, the cake doesn't make me sleepy!"

As for my opinion, it was mighty fine cake, but it would be hard to do a side-by-side comparison, as with the whip cream and all it would probably be a bit messy, and besides, I wouldn't be awake long enough to cut me a second piece.

Greetings, Pop!

Over the years the kids have developed innovative ways to greet me as I walk in the door after work. It has ran the gamut from screams of glee to sheer uninterest.

Now Makenna has left her mark (or, in this case, marks??)

Her favored mode of salutation is a head-butt. (Now, this is not to be confused with what was once Cameron's favorite salutation, which had the two words in reverse order.) I am thankful that with her height she usually hitting me at hip level, but she is also a pretty solid little girl, and thus can sometimes knock me off-balance.

Other quirks include her refusal to accept a good-night kiss--if I lean over she rolls away....violently! (Thank goodness she has a queen-size bed.

She has also picked up a new phrase from some TV show, i.e., 'Definitely!'

Sweet Child of Mine

After cleaning up the yard sale late this afternoon, I came in and Erin immediately came up to me and excitely said, 'Smell my T-Shirt!' and pulled it out for my olfactory pleasure.

Being somewhat tired, I did it, thinking for some reason that maybe she had spilled some of her scented lotion on it or something.

I smelled.

I recoiled.

She beamed.

And cackled.

And trotted away.

Allyson had obviously puked down her shirt.

Yardsale Blues

Cindy and her friend did a yard sale this week, but it was rained out partially on Thursday, it looked rainy again on Friday so they didn't do it (it never actually rained all day!), and then today we got everything out, the Doppler was clear, and then it started misting. We covered everything back up. It stopped again. We uncovered everything again. Then an hour later the light showers started.

It looks like Goodwill will be having an even better day than we thought!

Wasted Birthday Money Again....

'Kenner celebrated her 5th birthday on Wednesday, and as you might expect, her two favorite gifts were the two cheapest little 'afterthought' gifts that were bought to up the present count.

#1: A roll of Rolo's choco/caramel candy (this was by FAR her most favorite, even if it only lasted for about 3 minutes....)
#2: A Barbie notepad and pen.

Together, these ran us about $2.75.

The big ticket items are certainly being played with, but they left no lasting impression.

It would be nice if we could remember this every year....but we won't.