An Extended Hiatus

Well, things have been extremely busy recently, and the blog has suffered. Will it continue to suffer? Only time will tell.

In the past month a lot has occurred:
1. School has ended
2. Erin and Kenner have joined the swim team
3. The basement has been carpeted and is now mostly finished (?)
4. My mom came out for a visit
5. We have 2 new sets of neighbors--across the street and to our right, and we'll have the ones to our left next week
6. I had to change the van brakes
7. Erin has taken a liking to mowing the lawn
8. Cameron attended Cub Scout Camp

and lots of other unremembered stuff.....

Anyway, I'll try to do better....

All Hail, King of Condiments

There are so many things to love Ally for:

She loves to snuggle;
She is (mostly) potty-trained both day and night;
She is truly penitent after being punished;
She loves her Dad (and sometimes deigns to show some affection towards her Mom);
She is usually very happy;
She docilely agrees to take naps and go to bed;

But of course the thing I love the most is her love for mayonnaise sandwiches.
She loves them for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner! And for a between-meal snack too!

May her lips never meet that foul, festering effluvium from Heck known as Miracle Whip!

Ticked Pink!

A couple weeks ago Cindy went into the bathroom to help Ally, and I can only assume that she stopped to adjust her hair in the mirror.
Anyway, the next thing I hear is a frantic, “Louis Louis LOUIS!!!”
She then rushed out to where I was, bowed her head down, pointed at it, and continued, “Is this a tick? Is this a TICK? IS THIS A TICK?”
Sure enough, just above her forehead hairline there was a cute little brown thing with legs that was securely attached to her scalp.

I tried to calm her down, jovially commenting, ‘Well, you sure are lucky that it’s not engorged yet, so it couldn’t have been there for too long!’

Then I ran.

For the tweezers (and maybe for my life?)

Fortunately, I was able to pull it out rather easily.

As I said to her, ‘And all these things shall be for thy experience....’

Fortunately I was far enough away by then to escape being cut in two by her light-saber eyes.

Mary Poppins Would Be Aghast!

It became clear last week that in her treks around the neighborhood and the surrounding hills and fields that Kenner had come into contact with some poison ivy. She developed a couple red streaks near her right eye and on her eyelid, and the doctor said to bring her in because it was in such a sensitive area.
She was given a prescription for some liquid, which the doctor warned would not taste too pleasant. However, he explained, she could wash it down each time with a spoonful of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup.
Kenner, who, when she doesn’t want to comply with a request, has nearly perfected her repertoire of whinings, groanings, and gruntings to the level of performance art (admittedly a low bar), has never been so eager--make that ecstatic--to take her medicine.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that we were out of chocolate syrup and had to substitute a spoonful of rich, creamy hot fudge topping (served cold in order to get a bigger glob on the spoon).
[Photo to follow later]

Apt Analogy

Cindy called me at work today.

I could tell she was in the middle of cleaning, as she asked me where she could put certain items of mine that had somehow ended up downstairs. (I can't imagine how!?)

I, being stupid beyond my years, commented, 'You're really tearing things up!'

After a moment of silence, she replied, "No, this is what I do every single day."

Certainly with no urging from me she continued, 'Do you remember when I said that everything I do around the house would be like you working all day on a translation and then your manager walking by and hitting the Delete button and then saying, 'Please do it all over again' e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e d-a-y?'

Yes, I got the picture. And, amazingly enough, I DID remember when she had previously made such a comment!

And now I am recording it here for posterity so that I don't forget it ever again!

Hopefully, anyway.....

What housing slump?

In the past month about 10 lots have sold in our neighborhood. We now have a house across the street (it just got sheet-rocked), a house to the right of us (framed but not sheet-rocked), and two lots on the left of us all staked out to be dug.

Sigh.

We were hoping to have a small neighborhood for a lot longer! (At the neighborhood party we had in late March (a goodbye party for 'Mr. Joe' as he was deploying) we had45 out of the 47 neighbors attend--and the 2 that couldn't make it still brought a dessert over!)

Fortunately, if they develop the next section it will be on the other side of the neighboorhood--not behind us--so we should have a couple more years of living on the "edge of civilization."

But I will add that the dumpster diving at the worksites has yielded some nice treasures!

Zippidee Zoo da!

Two week ago Friday was stellar weather and it was spring break for the kids, so I took half a day off and we all went to the Cincinnati zoo!

Unfortunately, so did all the denizens of Southern Ohio--I ended up dropping the fam off near the main gate and then driving around for a half-hour until I found an empty space on a sidestreet (and not a nice sidestreet either....)

Ally was really excited, and just as she hoped for, she got to see everything that Penelope saw in the 'Penelope Goes to the Zoo' story I made up years ago for Cameron or Kenner. Yep, elephants (elephant poop plays a leading role in the story), giraffes, lions, pretty birdies, and--the perennial favorite--the monkeys with the red butts! (Japanese monkeys.)

Photos.....

Here we are looking at the flamingoes...(use your imagination!)



(You will notice that Cameron is smiling and Kenner is not....I bet a psychologist could deduce a lot from this photo! And, though it looks like I am a translated being (that's a laugh!), it is just a smudged lens.)

And Erin even got to ride the choo-choo train, one of her lifelong goals. (Yeah, and it's $3 per head for about a 4-minute ride--I would have been happy to have made Erin wait much longer!)



Just before we left we got this photo:



Anyway, we had a good day--and we did not make the mistake of trying to stop at IKEA on the way home like we did last year--that was a FIASCO!

Bad influences at school....

Schools can be hotbeds of verminous influences on our children, and it is especially insidious when it is something that is sponsored and sanctioned by the school.

If it were only cruelty to animals (such as cats, especially) that would have been more stomachable, but NOOOOoooooooooooooo, it school-sanctioned cruelty to the most vulnerable in society. Yes, I am speaking of cruelty to vegetables!

Over a month ago his school had an assembly, where the world-record playing card long-distance throwing champ (an Ohio native) came to the school to amaze and amuse. He deftly threw the cards and sliced through carrots, cukes, watermelon slices, and who knows what else.

It was an epiphany for Cameron.

He watched the guy on a number of YouTube videos to get the throwing method down, and then began going through a bag of carrots, a bunch of celery, and whatever veggie he could find.

And I must admit that he is pretty good!



But like any addiction--he just can't get enough of it! Though it has been a long time, cards are still whizzing around our house at all hours of the day and night, and it is really pitiful to see him begging to be taken to DollarTree to get a 2-deck pack.

All I can say is that I am glad he has now found a use for his Pokemon cards.

Anyway, here he is in action....

Big Threesies

Ally celebrated the big 3 birthday last week.



In my family as a kid, if you wanted Mom to make you a cake you had to do extra chores that day (none of this namby-pamby 'Oh sunshine of my life, this is your special day and you can do whatever you want because you are so special!')

To bypass this requirement, by age 12 I was proficient at making my own cake from scratch. It was usually a 12-egg angel food cake (cake mixes were for those sorry wimps in other households who couldn't cook--or at least had more money!)

Though Cindy came from the above-scorned 'wimpy' family culture and has kindly yet firmly lifted me up by the neck and told me that things are going to remain their way on birthdays, obviously Ally wasn't taking any chances and was at least learning the ropes just in case the policy were to ever change....

What the heck!?

That, in a nutshell, is Ally's new catchphrase--usually said with a grin and a wave of her hand.

As in last Thursday when Cindy told her, 'You need to get dressed because you are going to M's house to play!'

'I get to go to M's house?'

'Yes!'

'I get to go again?...[Big grin].......What the heck!'

Through a pyro child's eyes

Last Saturday Cameron and I made our first fishing trip trek of the season to the company pond.

I caught a lot of small bass, and he caught a lot of bluegill.

Anyway, on the way there I pointed to some blooming trees, exclaiming that I sure liked those dogwood trees with their purplish blossoms.

He looked at them, and then commented, 'Yeah. And I bet they'd burn good too!'

All I got wasn't just a dumb T-shirt!

It's been about a month since Cindy went on a cruise with my sister and her 2 boys,



(cruise ships are famous for sumptuous feasts, and there was obviously a full cargo of HAM).

Anyway, in a round of email correspondence with a Japanese gent at the parent company I mentioned that my wife was on a cruise without me (for some reason people found that amusing), and he wrote back, 'Gee--I hope she at least gets you a T-shirt!'

Well, Cindy actually brought home THREE things for me!
1. A burnt orange-colored Cozumel T-shirt
2. A Royal Caribbean hat (though my nephew got it for free and gave it to her because they didn't want it....I guess that still counts?)

and to top it all off...

Number 3: A promise to let me peel the dead skin off her sun-burned calves once the skin really started loosening up!

Well, I didn't get any huge swaths of skin, but I did get enough big ones off to gross her out!

She had an enjoyable week, as did I.
She did fun things at pretty places....



And I rototilled a garden spot, worked on the basement bathroom, and bribed the kids with a possible trip to CiCi's Pizza if they acted at least semi-human for the week.

Silver Linings

Ally is incorrigibly optimistic.

Take yesterday, for example.

Case in Point 1:
As we drive into town there is a pasture that usually has a horse wandering around, and she looks forward to seeing it with great anticipation. Well, yesterday the horse wasn’t to be seen.
I said, ‘Oh, that’s too bad! The horse must be in the barn.’
‘Yes,’ she replied, then added with a tone of blissful satisfaction, ‘But I can see its poop on the grass!’

Case in Point 2:
Two nights ago I got all the kids in bed, and then Ally said that she had to go potty. She gave me a big cheesy grin as she said it.
By this time she was in her diaper and one-piece jimmies, so I sighed and trudged with her into the bathroom.
After laboriously extricating her from her nightwear and diaper, she sat on the toilet with this giant grin on her face. It was directed right at me!
She obviously thought I was ecstatic at the chance of getting to spend this quality daddy-daughter time with her.

Case in Point 3:
After doing #2’s in the toilet this past week, on a number of occasions she has hopped off the toilet and excitedly exclaimed, ‘That’s a big one!’
And then she has exclaimed, ‘Oooh! Let me smell it!’ and then lowered her head to get a good whiff!

Ahh, Life

So here we are in the basement, thanks to a tornado warning.

We are right on the edge of the possible area right now, so we are watching the weather on the TV.

Cindy, of course, is heading down past Atlanta by now, and there are also supposed to be severe thunderstorms thatta way.

Gotta love it!

UPDATE: No tornadoes hit ground it seems, and none came near us either.

Mr. Manners

Dear Mr. Manners,

HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!

I am writing this under the covers of our bed--it is after midnight--and I am petrified! I don’t know who else to turn to, so as a desperate mother I am pleading for your help!!!!

You see, I have been reading a lot about ‘sleeper’ domestic terrorist cells and also about ‘dirty bombs’ and I have just now connected all the dots!

I THINK THERE MAY BE A SLEEPER DOMESTIC TERRORIST CELL MAKING DIRTY BOMBS IN MY OWN HOUSE!

And there’s proof!!

This morning I found a room of one of the other persons in my house like this!!



And another room was like this....



and this!!



And the worst was like THIS!!!



Based on my limited reading, I also know that ‘dirty bombs’ usually spread radioactive particles, so even if I am not killed today, I fear for my long-term health as well!

Fervently,

Terrorized in Tipp
PS: Do you have a Geiger counter I could borrow?


____________________________


Dear Tippsy,

First. let me gently--but firmly--assuage your fears. Based on the photos you so kindly provided, I can declare conclusively that the denizens of these bedrooms are not terrorists.

Terrifying, perhaps? Yes. Terrorists? Nope.

Second, this is not the result of a ‘dirty bomb’ filled with radioactive materials that can cause death and destruction, but rather the handiwork of a ‘pigsty grenade’ However, gentle irrational reader, do not run for cover, as this grenade is merely in the mind and not of the shrapnel-producing variety. (Let me hasten to add, that it is ‘in the mind’ in only a metaphoric sense, so please refrain from calling the neighborhood brain surgeon for some extraction surgery.)

Third, such detonation damage is fully preventable. Just like brushing teeth, a daily habit of picking up rooms and making beds can ameliorate such conditions.

One good preventative might be to sack up the mess and make it unavailable to the occupants for a week.

Another might be to post photos on the Internet for all their friends to see. (No need to thank me!)

So please, enjoy some care-free sleep!

Sincerely,

Mr. Manners

Vocabulary Building

A nursery tale (courtesy of Sis. Williams):

I guess Ally was running around the nursery room and Sis. Williams asked her to stop running.

Ally kept on running.

When asked again to stop running, Ally replied brightly, 'I'm not running, I'm jogging!'

Tasks for this week will now include teaching Ally other words to use to alternately describe what is ascribed to her, such as 'trotting,' 'loping,' 'sashaying,' and perhaps 'fast-moseying.'

She will make a fine lawyer some day!

Pioneer Trekkies

As I was driving some youth and a leader to the Columbus temple on Saturday, the leader and I got on the topic of long driving trips with kids.

We each exchanged our most vivid war stories (VHS and DVD players were always the Medal of Honor-winning heroes), and then, in a fit of brilliance, I made the following comment:

'Cindy and I have considered driving out to Utah and back a number of times. Then we pick ourselves up off the floor from laughing so hard. Yep, if we were to ever to do that we would be emulating the pioneers of old in the trek to Utah--we would be burying a child every couple hundred miles!'

Okay, okay------maybe 'twisted brilliance' would have been a more apt description. And I probably chuckled harder than the leader did--but then again, I know my kids and the PQ* of both parental units.

*Patience Quotient

A Fond Welcome

Yesterday I took off an hour early from work to go home and work on the basement.

I quietly walked in from the garage to the kitchen, hoping to surprise Cindy. I saw her back as she was busily working at the stove.

I said, ‘Hi!’ and she slowly turned around to face me.

Her face and eyes were all red, with large tears were dripping down her cheeks--she had obviously been sobbing big-time--and she immediately put her hand up to stop me from talking and simply stated, ‘I can’t be around you right now!’ and then after a slight pause, asked, ‘Where are you going to be?’

Remaining mute, I pointed down towards the basement, and then she went on, ‘I can’t be in the same room as you right now.’

She then proceeded to quickly march out the garage door.

When I looked out 20 minutes later she was sitting in the passenger seat of the van, her face still red and her eyes heavy with tears.

She gave me a slight smile, and then leaned forward slightly as she continued to listen intently to the final chapter of the audio-book* on her I-Pod.

Obviously, thoughts of hearing my condescendingly good-natured chortles at her emotional state that would most assuredly be wafting in around her earbuds would not have been conducive to her enjoyment[?] of the denouement.

*The Book Thief

All she needs is a big dog named Hercules!

Cindy was looking for a book tonight, and she had the bright idea of looking under Erin's bed.

As she later told Erin, 'I became violently ill, and after hypergagging I staggered downstairs to get a rabies shot before any animal that might have burrowed into all that junk jumped out and bit me!'

She said some other witty things too, but alas, I can't remember them....

Erin jest smiled on in her trademarked serene complacence regarding all things related to the nouveau-junkyard decorating she has perfected in her room.

(Feel free to guess at the movie reference in the title....though it may take you Forever, FOR-E-VER, FOR-E-VER to guess it....)

Ostrich Obeisance

I would like to say that Ally is unsullied by her siblings' behavior, but nay, twould be a lie!

As I was getting ready to put Ally to bed, she said, 'I want to say my prayers!'

'Ahh,' I thought, 'She IS still a sweet angel!'

I put her down and she immediately dropped to her knees, then immediately followed this by putting her head down on the floor, and by mid-prayer she was laid out fully prone on the floor, arms akimbo. (It brought back memories of a chapter in Les Miserables that described how nuns in the convent prayed before the altar....)

Needless to say, if you are ever at our house at family prayer time, you will think that you somehow ended up on an ostrich farm--the kids have their heads on the floor and their patooties up in the air.

I guess Cindy and I could interpret this as them kowtowing to us in abject obeisance, but hey, we aren't that deluded!

Maybe it has something to do with gravity. their heads are sure swelled up enough--at least in their own little whacked-out minds!

Anyway, I look forward to the day that Erin gets to give a prayer during sacrament meeting--hopefully the mike will poke her in the forehead before she can lay her head down on the podium!