One of Cindy's 'non-surprise' gifts for Christmas (and it's surprising how many of these there were...) was a GPS unit.
As she was fiddling around with the settings, she came across the language settings for the voice, and after trying some of them, she selected 'British English' and as soon as those mellifluous tones began emanating from the speakers, she swooned, murmured something about 'My Mr. Darcy' and her countenance was lit up by a beatific smile.
We gave it its first test-drive on Sunday when we went to Middletown (my nephew is fresh off his mission to Hong Kong and was speaking). As the English voice kindly provided driving instructions Cindy went limp in the passenger seat and said,
'Yes, YES, this is my Mr. Darcy!.....I think I'll take a drive from one end of Huber Heights to the other!' (HH is famous for its maze-like street system, and thus there would be a lot of verbal instructions.)
Sounds like I won't have to buy a Valentine's gift now!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Pride and Preju-GPS
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Chuck Norris the Omnipotent??
I don’t know if this is just a local phenomenon or a more widespread disease, but Cameron has recently been hearing, finding, and memorizing Chuck Norris jokes.
Here is a sampling:
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure--Chuck Norris goes killing.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry--the man ate a Jeep!
And my personal favorite:
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a wimp would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelry."
I got online yesterday and found a 100-joke list for him to use. (Of course, it was only 80 jokes after I got rid of the adult-themed ones, and then I had to tastefully edit the filthy-foul language out of some of the other ones). After that experience, I forbade him to get on the Internet and look up more jokes by himself.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thanksgiving 2009
A time of great feasting and......and......and more feasting at my sister's home!
To not upset the sensibilities of sensitive readers, no photos of people groaning as they are supporting their distended stomachs have been included.
I went, I spent, I came home
I had hoped to get out of going this year, but as luck would have it, I was 20th in line at Sam's Club at 4:15 AM.
Cindy had gotten up at 3:15 in preparation for her yearly masochistic ritual, but I got to sleep in until 3:45!
And I got a free breakfast out of it too! I just brought it all home so that I could eat it after the sun comes up!
Turkey Day Smells
Yesterday Cindy and I went for a nice 4-mile walk late in the morning.
Just before we left I put the cold-smoked turkey in the oven, so as we were leaving I cheerily proclaimed, "By the time we get back that turkey should be smelling REAL good!"
Cindy cheerily added, "When we get back, we should certainly be able to smell YOU real good!"
What's to argue???
Has She Been Listening to the Commodores?
Yesterday we were talking about funerals, etc., and Cindy was telling how she gets teary-eyed and emotional at them.
Erin listened, then commented, 'I keep my feelings inside,' tapping her chest.
"Yes," she continued with some degree of satisfaction, "Right here in my brick house!"
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tradition! Tradition!
Mid-day yesterday was kinda slow at the homestead, so Cindy looked at me and said, "I know you like to put up the Christmas tree on Black Friday while I'm gone, but why don't we just put it up today!"
I obligingly replied, "Ha! There is NO way! That is the only thing that helps me maintain some degree of sanity in the home while you are gone all day!"
This from the lady who thrives on traditions in a way that would make Tevye hang his bearded head in shame--always having the birthday person sit in the "Birthday Chair," having "Monkey Bread" for Christmas always eating babyback ribs for Christmas dinner, singing "Long Live the Salsa" at birthdays, etc., etc. (Yeah, I will pay big time for that last one....)
Anyway, I am glad I was able maintain this one tradition that I hold dear.
On a final note, Erin was listening nearby, her mouth agape.
"But Dad!" she stuttered in disbelief,"You NEVER tell Mom 'No'!"
I guess in the survival of the fittest, some traditions just don't have the requisite staying power!
Well, THAT was short-lived!
I now have Cambone crouched over the heating vent in the study, and Ally on my lap.
Thanksgiving Morning....
Well, I must say that things are going swimmingly this morning! The sandwich turkey (i.e., the turkey to be used primarily for sandwiches after the big feast) is outside in the smoker, and Cindy has rolls in the frig, 3 pies on the counter, and the 16-layer jello dessert (or is it a side dish?) already made.
And, oh yes....the kids are all still asleep!
Yes, that is just one of the many things to be thankful for!
Howling at the New Moon.....
Yesterday the kids were out of school, and Erin was bored (gee, what a rare occurrence!)
However, some time ago Erin had gotten a pass to get into a movie for free, so Cindy offered to take her to the latest Twilight movie (I don't recall what the name of this installment is....'Day of the Living Trixie 2'? 'Yawn 2'? '10 Stupid Things Girls Choose to Do 2?'?)
ANYway, Erin wanted to walk around the block last night, so as we walked I asked her about the movie. She was still swooning.
She first explained the intricacies of the love story between the two characters, then she commented favorably (a bit TOO favorably in my opinion) about the leading man's "8-pack" (I guess vampires have abnormal abdominal muscle structures??), and then explained the 'cliff-hanger' ending (at least if you had never read the next book....)
Here was my favorite part of the conversation (aside from the part where we stopped talking about the movie....):
Erin: So anyway, there was the boy named Jacob, and he...
Dad (interrupting): What is Jacob? A vampire? A werewolf?
Erin: A freakin' HOT werewolf!! Bow-wow!!
(OK, maybe I added the 'Bow-wow' part!)
Fortunately she only wanted to walk around the block once.
Family Proclamation Week--Days 3 and 4
I think the Family Proclamation Week is having some effect.
There are the telltale nervous tics, the trembling hands, the incoherent babblings, and the cowering in fear and loathing.
The kids, on the other hand, seem unaffected.
Yep, Cindy and I are suffering from the symptoms of Post-(or is that 'Mid-'?) Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Tuesday night: It started off well enough, and ended up well enough, too--it was just that in-between of a couple hours that was unnerving.
Highlight: We got the 3 pinata sections paper-mached together with minimal problems. 
Yes, what a happy family are we!
As to what happened after that, I don't recall right now what instigated it (though I have a good guess as to the 'who'), but one of the kids got to spend some quality time in their bedroom, and it was only with great intestinal fortitude that we let the monster--bless their heart--out to watch a movie together.
Amazingly, there was not a single problem during the entire movie. Except, perhaps, for my eyes. Partway thru my eyelids seemed to close on their own accord. I think it was due to the fact that I had been rolling my eyes in agony during the first part of the movie, perhaps the dumbest movie ever made. Nope, not Nacho Libre, nope, not about vampires and the girls they love, and nope, not a Barbie movie. Cindy had been to the dollar store to get crepe paper for the pinata, and she found a DVD for the same price. It was called Super Dave (you may recall this stuntman character from old SNLs). Anyway, a dollar was WAY too much. As Cindy said, at least we now have a GREAT white elephant gift!
And as Cindy as commented, 'Yes, our family seems to get along the best when we are all interacting with the TV rather than each other!'
Well put!
Wednesday: Ahh, this night made last night seem like a picnic!
Over the course of 2 hours, the crepe paper was applied to the pinata. All the kids helped--for at least 3 minutes each--but Ally kept at it (her fingers flew like magic as she spread the glue!), and Erin and Cameron did cut the crepe paper at times....
Then more kids sent to their rooms, dessert privileges were lost, and then while the rest of the family watched The Biggest Loser retrospective show, I fell asleep while reading a book. I woke up just in time to help get kids in bed. Then I fell back asleep again. Cindy will have to fill in the blanks (or the blankety-blanks....or blankety-blankety blanks....)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Crotchety Kids--PART II
Family Proclamation Week: Night 2
Unfortunately, tonight was more of a horror film than a Disney pic.
Kids were in bad moods with bad attitudes (let your imaginations run wild! Sorry, not wild enough!), which put the parents in bad moods, and it devolved steadily from there.
However, there were bits of sunshine peeking thru the dark and fell mists of despondency.
For the first time in 4+ years we updated our 72-hour kits and then Cindy had the great idea of putting them in an easy-to-access location! 
And then I opened one of the 3600-calorie energy bars that had gone past the due date, and we all found it still quite edible. Kinda like a lemony cookie without a lot of sugar...(Cindy was the only one who didn't try it. She was chewing gum at the time. She didn't seem too dejected about missing this delectable dainty!)
Then Erin frosted a cake for dessert. At least the kids had a good attitude about this part of the evening! 
We parents enjoyed this part too, as the deal was that if they got cake they would then go to their rooms for quiet time the rest of the night (it was only 8 PM).
Of course, it didn't quite work out that way. I had to help Erin study for a Social Studies test she 'remembered' at 7:45 PM, and the kids were less than quiet in their rooms.
Well, today is another day. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will we survive? Stay tuned?
(At least I take some comfort in the fact that if the kids were ever to decide to leave home (or were kicked out) they would now have easy access to their 72-hour backpacks! Heck, I would probably let them take the tent too!)
Crotchety Kids--PART I
A week ago Saturday, Erin attended a Beehive activity where they learned how to do some basic crocheting.
Erin came home knowing one crochet 'move' (stitch?), and she spent much of the day working on it. By bedtime she had completed a 30-foot length.
Her problem came when she stated that she was going to make one long enough to reach from her bedroom upstairs to the couch in the living room downstairs.
The problem was that she said this in front of Cameron (aka Mr. "I love to compete and WIN!')
Soon he had a crochet implement-thingy (needle?) and a ball of yarn and got busy! For a couple days it was very quiet in the house, as Makenna also joined in the fun.
One day I went down in the basement, and there was Cameron sitting on the loveseat, busily crocheting as he watched TV. Always the inventive one, in order to get just the right amount of tension on the yarn coming from the supply, he had threaded (yarned?) it between a couple toes. (Sadly, I missed getting a picture of this....) He was quite a sight!
I now wonder what he would come up with if Erin got ever got a spinning wheel....he could probably manage to do the same thing just utilizing his body in imaginative ways....
Anyway, Cameron ended up with the longer crocheted length. Once he beat Erin definitively, he pretty much stopped. Erin had already stopped. Makenna had also started, done 10 feet or so, and then stopped.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Family Proclamation Week
We each get to take a turn having our favorite dinner. Tonight was my choice, Chicken Alfredo Pizza. While it is not my "favorite" it was what we had and I could use leftovers to make something tasty. That always makes me happy. The kids all helped by rolling the dough, grating cheese, cutting the chicken, setting the table etc. Even Ally helped by putting napkins at every place setting. Before dinner I set some candles on the table so we could eat by candlelight. We did this a few weeks ago and the kids loved it. I loved it too because it seemed like dinner was much more calm and peaceful. Anyway...so as we sat by candlelight I read some paragraphs from the booklet on Families given out by our church. We talked about how families are the most important social group we belong to. We should love and help one another etc... It was nice. Then we ate.
After dinner was the most anticipated activity of probably the whole week.
Win Some, Lose Some....
So today is the day Erin has been waiting for ever since she was born--it gives validation to her life, and brings a smile to her face (a rather saucy, triumphant smile anyway...
Yes, she is now officially 5'11.5", which puts her a full half-inch above my height.
She is basking--nay, even reveling--in her new-found glory.
During church today she looked over at me, and gestured to her, then to me, then spread her hands vertically to express the concept of 'Yo, Daddy! I am taller.'
I can well imagine what comes next out of her fertile mind--Nicknames.
Perhaps, 'Smallo' or 'Mini-Man' or maybe even 'Little One.' (Sorry Alise--that may now be my nickname too!)
So I lost one.
On the up side, Cameron has been on an origami kick for a couple weeks, and can whip out cranes and other birdlife. One day I had the bad idea of showing him some of the miniature ones I had saved from my mission days.
Needless to say, that put him on a new mission--to out-mini me! Well, today during church he made a pretty small one, so tonight I displayed my masterpieces again next to his: 
(Ahem....Mine are on the LEFT....)
I helpfully commented that he had made a fine mommy-crane that nicely complemented my newborn cranes.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Speaking of media influences....
Before our recent trip to the Smoky Mountains, we bought a DS game for the kids that contains about 20 different little game (TouchMaster2).
Sadly, at the time we didn't realize how addicting it could be!
Yes, Cindy will play one of the games (DICE KING) for hours! (And the kids like to play it too....when they get a chance.)
And now look who is playing some of the games!
Oh, the humanity!
Just don't ask Cindy who beat her DICE KING high score yesterday by approximately a factor of 2!
Angels singing off key.....
That's what a missionary said a number of years ago, referring to our kids when they were being rather obnoxious at the dinner table.
Cindy and I chuckle about that missionary from time to time--we're sure he knows better now!
Anyway, here are some of the latest from the kids:
1. Kenner pulled out a card that read, 'What do you like best about your Mom?' She loudly answered, 'She has a big nose!' She then chortled uncontrollably.
Knowing that she loves her dad, I asked sweetly, "What do you like best about your DAD?"
She pig-snorted as she adroitly replied, 'You have a big belly that jiggles like jelly!'
2. Cameron was telling me something about something, and I gave a small chuckle. Erin was watching and commented, 'When Dad tries not to laugh he always rubs the hair on the back of his head!' A second later she added, 'Such hair as there is, anyway.'
I never exaggerate....much.....
I posted a couple things about Ally recently, but the proof is in the pudding!
For your viewing pleasure:
1. Ally the Horse 'ripping bark off trees with her whinny.'
TURN UP THE SOUND--if you dare.....(And just know that she is somewhat camera-shy, so she wasn't nearly as loud as she can be....)
2. Ally singing Taylor Swift's "White Horse" (Again, she is not belting it out like she usually does, but you'll get the idea.....)
Guess that Movie!
Having a Clearplay DVD player (one that allows you to edit out the bad language, scenes, etc.) is certainly an aid to education!
Of course, some educators do not consider rote memorization to be actual learning, but I beg to differ.
I finally watched a movie that Cindy had bought for me a year or 2 ago, and since we have the 'Filthy Filter' I watched it with Cameron in the room.
Having since watched it a couple more times, Cameron now has some of the lines down pat!
"I feel happy! I feel happy!"
"It's merely a flesh wound!"
"You and your stupid English kaaaaaniggits!"
"She turned me into a newt!"
"But what also floats in water?"
"Bread!"
"Apples!"
"Very small rocks!"
"If she weighs the same as a duck then......she's a witch!!!!"
And yes, his favorite scene was the duel between King Arthur and the Black Knight!
However, it is not very family-friendly, so I present his 2nd-favorite scene (no bad language, no other objectionable content)
......BURN HER! BURN HER!
Yes, I think I will regret this education of Cameron in the long run.....
Since Christmas music is already on the radio....
And here in the house,
Some young'uns were readying
For bed though they groused.
Kenner was reading
A story with care,
Rapt in attention
Was Ally's sweet stare.....
When what to my wondering
Eye did appear?
But an ad hoc boutique
And our Camerina dear!
With hair gussied up
In Pippi-ish locks,
He even posed for us
With an 'Uncle Rico* shot!'
(*Napoleon Dynamite inside joke....)
And after the fun
We welcomed Duran-Duran,
Or maybe Bryan Adams?
Or was it just a madam?
And I heard someone say
As they fled out of sight,
Thar's just sum'tin not right
About the Floyd house tonite!
