Dear Mr. Manners

Dear Mr. Manners,

I am so vexed! Our 3rd child just entered Kindergarten and she is ruining our family's reputation before my very eyes!
I mean, I've done all I can to prevent her unacceptable behavior at school, but when I'm not with her it's like she deliberately ignores everything she's been taught about the proud traditions of our family! And to make matters worse, her teacher also had both of her older siblings when they were in Kindergarten and thus is fully aware that our daughter knows better! The shame!
I mean, she should know that she is never to make eye contact with her teacher, much less initiate a conversation! And her smiling cheerfulness at school! She never learned THAT nasty little habit from her sibs!
And worst of all, when she comes home from school she brazenly walks in the door and announces how GREAT school was, and makes me listen to everything she did!
Why can't she just do as she has been taught by osmosis, and just reply 'Nothing' when I ask her what she did at school!?!
The next thing you know she will probably be found prancing around in front of the class performing some one-girl variety show!
I feel like putting a bag over my head when I take her to school every day! What is a poor mother to do?
Sincerely,
Truelee "At least she doesn't pick her nose so much anymore!" Distraught

Dear TALSDPHNSMAD--May I call you MAD?
Frankly speaking, this kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. Quick and permanent measures are needed.
Fortunately for you there are two effective remedies that work well together--a kind of one-two punch, as it were.
Namely, some electrodes to the brain, and a good swift kick every now and then.
Of course, it may be best to hire a licensed medical practitioner to perform these measures, as asking your husband to do so might get him jailed for spousal abuse.

Sincerely,
Mr. Manners